If you read the previous post, you will know the kind of strange night I have been having. I thought I would compound on that, and take advantage of it, by getting this done as well.
On the menu this very, very early morning, we have 'Leave Out All the Rest' by Linkin Park. This was actually the first band I ever really listened to, and they got me to really love music. Anyway, the reason I pick this song is because it really speaks to the emotional roller coaster I have been on tonight.
Overall the song is obviously one that acknowledges the many failings of the person represented in the song, and it is something I find myself mulling over a lot tonight. I have made a great many mistakes, gone through some tough times, and though I am stronger for it, it is still painful to revisit those times. It is precisely those memories that have been so distracting to me tonight.
I am a pretty happy and confident person, and because of that I sometimes forget what got me to that point. The pain and struggles are forgotten at times, and I look down on those who have not reached the point I have. I judge them for failings I have learned to change, forgetting how recently I was just as bad, or worse than, them. At the same time I look at my many current failings and excuse them with my strengths, failing to give others the same credit. Tonight it really hit home how often I do this, and this song embodies it for me.
The lamentation, the desire to leave behind something worthwhile, the need to be someone who will be missed once they are gone, all feelings I am intimately familiar with. But more than anything what spoke to me was the forgiveness that is a huge undertone in the song. It speaks of no one being perfect, and it really made me realize that I often expect others to be perfect in ways that I certainly am not, and worse, forget that I struggled greatly to overcome my greatest faults. I have different flaws than many, and I tend to condemn their flaws more than my own because I do not understand them. Tonight I have decided I need to talk to some of the people close to me that I am guilty of doing this with, and give them some long overdue forgiveness.
The most moving line of this song to me is "I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through". This song I believe sums up the way I wall myself off from people for fear of being hurt. I put up a strong front to avoid this, and it prevents meaningful relationships. I am hoping to rectify this with at least a few key people in the near future. Wish me luck, pray for me if you believe in it, and please do what you can to learn from the mistakes of others. It has saved me a lot of time and pain, and the main reason I stress opening up to people is to give them that very opportunity. They need to know your mistakes, your flaws and faults, your shame, in order to learn from it. I hope to be a better model for this in the future.
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