The Nagging

I don't know if anyone else has this experience, even if you happen to be a writer as well, but I thought I would share one of the most irritating trends in my writing with everyone.

Frequently, I will be finishing up a plot, setting or batch of characters, and be looking at them/it with pride. I will examine every detail, every word written about them and every idea in my head, and find no flaws. It is a perfectly good creation. But something will just not let me leave it alone. I will pour over details, run scenes through my head, write blurbs of dialogue or action scenes, and they will all be lovely. But there is something wrong.

Is it that this character is too cliche? Are they too perfect? Not interesting? Are they almost exactly like another character I have done? Is the setting too complex? Not cool enough? Are there plot holes? I will obsess over every single detail, rewrite it a million times, consider scrapping the whole idea, all after it is pretty much ready to go. This can go on for days, sometimes weeks. When I first came up with the idea of the Ombra and Manikin's Mantle, I was in this state for three months. Well over a dozen versions of that plot existed at one point, and even I was getting lost amongst them.

This nagging sense that something isn't right, that it could be better, is the blessing/curse cliche for me. It means that despite all my work, I'm not yet done. It means I will waste a ton of time rewriting plots that are fine, and reworking characters that are engaging and fun. It means that I will grow frustrated, probably annoy anyone I talk to with my constant jabber about my writing, and sometimes find it hard to sleep. I will have dreams about my plots. But despite all of this, it also means that I am not going to move forward with a subpar project.

This nagging sensation of doubt will keep me coming back at my ideas time and time again, until I find the one thing that makes it perfect. A simple switch of character roles, an alteration to the setting that is ever so slight, or simply looking at it all from a new perspective. Whatever is the eventual answer, however simple and quick of a fix it ends up being, in the end the book or series will be better for it. After all that stress and anxiety, the end result will be exactly what I want it to be.

So as I frustrate my wife with my constant pondering, annoy my mother with calls to consult her and generally withdraw from the world, I have come to enjoy these times. Yes, many of the plots that spew from my brain will be discarded. Yes, the characters might change so much I can't recognize them anymore. But when I get in this mode, it is because the plot can and will work out in the end. All of the ideas sitting unused and untouched in the depths of my computer never sparked this frenzy, and until they do, I won't be using them. But if an idea HAS sparked this obsession, it means it will be wonderful, as soon as I manage to get to it.